Polanski not Roman, more Greek

I am sure everyone out there in fantasy land has heard all about the little international dust-up surrounding Roman Polanski. It seems the little munchkin was nabbed by the cops on his way to a film festival for some slight "youthful indiscretions" he had when he was 40.

But fear not! Celebs in Hollyweird have jumped in to save him from the long cold arm of justice. "He is innocent!" They protest. "He is a miniature treasure!" They howl. "Like a talking midget or cheap Mariachi puppet you buy in Tijuana Mexico!"

To show their support, they do what everyone everywhere does when something bad happens to someone: They signed a petition. (I hear the authorities are shitting themselves over this.) Here is a short list of the people that are out of touch with reality:

Whoopi Goldberg, Woody Allen (the irony!), Pedro Almodovar, Monica Bellucci, Guillermo del Toro, Terry Gilliam, John Landis, David Lynch, Martin Scorsese, just to name a few.

It just goes to show that you can teach moron how to make a movie, but you can't teach them right from wrong.

This brings up a tertiary point: It seems that many who are jumping on the bandwagon are doing so in response to a documentary recently released dealing with the Polanski case. The documentary alleges that the judge was biased in the case (finding Polanski guilty) because detectives "sexed-up" information. Recently, the detective in the film has surfaced to say that it was in fact he who had "sexed up" the version of events to make a more exciting movie.

"But," the Shitirati protest, "How can this be? The lens always reveals the truth!"

That may be so, but only for fat chics and Botox. It's a fucking documentary. These people are not reporters. It's entertainment. Al Gore is a doosh---And yes, people do lie on camera. As long as it isn't in court, they don't give a shit. No harm, no foul.

You know, this whole fiasco has given me a wonderful idea. I am going to start fobbing myself off as a famous director. That way, I can sleep with whomever I like, be forgiven for being a uninteresting asshole who only talks film, make boring movies for people who fancy themselves auteurs and best of all, not worry about looking like a damn garden gnome.