Red State Porn

I was just wondering, did anyone else hear about that Porn Survey conducted on Red and Blue States?  I want to know two things: 

1.) How can I get a job like that? 

2.) Is 'Blue State' a ephemism for balls that I dont know about?

According to ABC News (Your trusted porn source!),  "A new nationwide study of anonymized credit-card receipts (found that) states that consume the most porn tend to be more conservative and religious than states with lower levels of consumption."  

For those of you that are curious, here is a graphical breakdown of the Red and Blue states. 

(I don't know about you, but it sure looks to me like the Blue States have the Red State beat with that obvious Dong Configuration near Illinois.)

What struck me as odd about the story was the fact that the survey looked at credit-card receipts. What does this tell you? It tells you that the Red States are paying for porn!  That's right, you heard me, there are still people paying for porn in this country!  How did we let this happen? Has the electoral divide in this country become so great that Wankers living in the Blue States can't share their free-porn reasources with the Tossers in the Red?  

I call on the new adminstration in Washington to. . .uh. . .rectify the situation by enacting the No Wang Left Behind Act. 

Simply put, it would  end the great porn divide in this country and put us on par with all of those bastards in Asia enjoying the fruits of free poon.  (fruits of free poon=awesome band name)

See?! Red and Blue CAN live and work together!