But fear not! Celebs in Hollyweird have jumped in to save him from the long cold arm of justice. "He is innocent!" They protest. "He is a miniature treasure!" They howl. "Like a talking midget or cheap Mariachi puppet you buy in Tijuana Mexico!"
To show their support, they do what everyone everywhere does when something bad happens to someone: They signed a petition. (I hear the authorities are shitting themselves over this.) Here is a short list of the people that are out of touch with reality:
Whoopi Goldberg, Woody Allen (the irony!), Pedro Almodovar, Monica Bellucci, Guillermo del Toro, Terry Gilliam, John Landis, David Lynch, Martin Scorsese, just to name a few.
It just goes to show that you can teach moron how to make a movie, but you can't teach them right from wrong.
This brings up a tertiary point: It seems that many who are jumping on the bandwagon are doing so in response to a documentary recently released dealing with the Polanski case. The documentary alleges that the judge was biased in the case (finding Polanski guilty) because detectives "sexed-up" information. Recently, the detective in the film has surfaced to say that it was in fact he who had "sexed up" the version of events to make a more exciting movie.
"But," the Shitirati protest, "How can this be? The lens always reveals the truth!"
That may be so, but only for fat chics and Botox. It's a fucking documentary. These people are not reporters. It's entertainment. Al Gore is a doosh---And yes, people do lie on camera. As long as it isn't in court, they don't give a shit. No harm, no foul.
You know, this whole fiasco has given me a wonderful idea. I am going to start fobbing myself off as a famous director. That way, I can sleep with whomever I like, be forgiven for being a uninteresting asshole who only talks film, make boring movies for people who fancy themselves auteurs and best of all, not worry about looking like a damn garden gnome.
