It's hard being a dictator these days, everyone seems to think they can just get all up in your grill and tell you off. . . .I didn't appoint myself leader to put up with this.
---Ayatollah Khamenei
[The following notes were taken from a napkin discarded by the Supreme Leader after a brunch at the fashionable Le Roi Est Mort restaurant in downtown Tehran last Friday.]
1.) No more group protests against the West.
Why did we do it? All of those years of shouting "Death to America!" has only encouraged people to protest. Dumb! Who could have guessed that they would change "Death to America" to "Death to Dictator"? We didn't see it coming. Those clever foreign news teams!
2.) No more motorcycles for the Basiji militia.
Militarily, rice burners are not that effective. I have seen this picture all too often this week.
Obviously the rider was pulled from his bike before being able to beat innocent bystanders in any meaningful way. Solution? Sidecar!
Combat Cow + Driver = Win!
Discuss with Ahme-whateverhisnameis-ajad over lunch Tuesday.
3.) Start our own social networking site.
Twitter is for dweebs. We need something where we can show oppression in a positive light. Like this:
Profile
Name: Spanky
Location: Iran
Hobbies: Taking hostages, denying the holocaust, killing fellow countrymen, blaming the West
Music: Eartha Kit, my own voice
TV shows: Anderson Cooper 360 (the talking midget fascinates me)
Job: President, (temp to hire)
Motto: Yes we can!. . .stomp out democracy.
------------------------
To all those in Iran, fight the good fight.
No comments:
Post a Comment