NASA, We Hardly Knew Ye

Today I rejoice. It's been a long time coming, but the powers that be have finally killed off the Space Program!

Kudos!

That bloated monstrosity that cost so much and gave so little over the years ---a holdover from Kennedy's vision of America that fostered the innovations that made us world leaders in science and technology---can finally be consigned to the trash heap of history. Of course, it doesn't LOOK like that from the outset, but it will happen, rest assured. One only has to glance at the budget to witness the inevitable, a death from a thousand cuts.

The NASA website states that the new budget will -

". . .spark American innovation and enable us to explore new worlds, develop more innovative technologies, foster new industries, and increase our understanding of the Earth and our universe. NASA will pursue a more affordable and sustainable approach to spaceflight through the development of game changing, next-generation technologies and systems."

Most of the money earmarked for commercial lift and, possibly, human spaceflight from private companies. Isn't that neat? NASA is putting its faith in private companies that will never raise their costs in an attempt to screw the American Taxpayer. Hopefully all of this "innovation" will create thousands of new jobs---that is, after they've finished slashing a few thousand other jobs.

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The manned spaceflight will be replaced and gobs of cash will pour into the following:

1.) roughly 7 billion to find "new and novel" approaches to spaceflight.

Makes sense to me: figure out how to propel spaceships we aint sendin' up. Instead, the budget should read: "engineers will play with themselves for a few years"

2.) 3 billion for more rovers

Genius. Who needs people?

3.) 2 billion for a new climate monitoring satellite

Neat! Lets check out all of the methane produced by Washington as it continues to talk out of its ass!

4.) billions for "green aviation"

Nice. R&D subsidies for the airline makers. Are they going to help us figure out how to deal with the morons in the TSA?

5.) billions for inspiring the "leaders of tomorrow"!

AWESOME!. . . and how do we do that exactly, without astronauts?

In Brief

Happy New Year

Don't Climb Mt. Hood

Q: What do these two things have in common?

Rock Ballads

Mt. Hood

A: That's right. Both can kill.

I bring this up because it seems that in recent years there has been a spat of climbing deaths on Mt. Hood (this past week is no exception) and it has forced me to ask the hard questions:

Why do people climb this damn thing?

Is it the gently inviting slopes?

The placid forests?

The siren calls of the native Sasquatch?

Now, it seems that more and more groups of three head out to do some traipsing around on the mountain, only to fall victim to freezing temperatures and stale granola. Hubris at it's best.

Even a quick perusal of the internet will tell you that anything associated with the mountain is wrought with tragedy. Commissioned in July 1944, the munitions ship USN Mt. Hood was destroyed when a weapons magazine exploded in November. Tally? 45 dead, 327 missing, 371 injured. That's Bad News Bears, man. (I know, I know, some of you are saying that another munitions ship was comissioned in 1971 and sailed for over 20 years without mishap, but that doesn't really add anything to my point and so I choose to ignore it.)

For godsake, if you must climb that towering bitch of a rock, make sure you pack a satellite phone, or at the very least, some aged gouda, so the rescue dogs can find your ass after the avalanche.

The Soul Effect

The soul patch.

A bevy of questions and precious few answers.

What would a grown man allow himself to look this stupid? Can he possible think it is cool? More importantly, what does his significant over have to say about all of this?

The ubiquitous patch seems to be cropping up everywhere from work and TV to cable shows and tabloids. No facet of American life is immune. I fear that we are in the midst of a Renaissance of dooshy facial hair not seen since the terrible 1860s when men were too busy skipping baths to worry about facial travesties.

Bask in the glory of some Soul Patches culled from the internet. . .

Notice a trend? I sure did, and in the interests of good taste I refrain from posting more.

Not to be alarmist, but I see this as a symptom of moral decline, a weakening of the 'tough guy' fiber that made America great. I mean, seriously, what's the intended effect? A pouty insouciance? An approach me vulnerability that screams, "Hey, come and talk to me. I swing both ways. . ."?

Sadly, I think it says just as much about out women as our men. Sorry ladies, but the fact that you let your significant other wander around with such a ridiculous tuft of hair that looks like a Brazilian Wax gone bad says loads about the current state of male-female relations. Ladies, if you find yourself dating a man with a Soul Patch, you must realize that you're basically telling the world "Hey, I've given up. This is the best I can do. Sure, he's a loser who thinks pork-pie hats are cool and that SKA should be thought of as high art, but hey, that's good enough for me."

Ladies, I say to you, "Demand MORE!"

To sum up: No one looks good with a soul patch. I repeat, no one looks good with a soul patch!

Keep Firing

There are idoits and then there are assholes. It seems like America has been plagued by the latter in recent day. From what I can gather, totting a gun to work and blowing away your fellow schleps has become the new American past time. No more bowling, no more driving around and flipping people off. No, the new way to let out your pent up teenage angst and feelings of inadequacy it to take it out on innocent people by senselessly murdering them at their place of employment.

Now, let me be clear. I am in NO WAY blaming the gunmen. No. Not me. I mean,  people can only take soooooo much frustration in their lives. And look at the times we live in.  At no other time in history has there been wars waged or economic hardships endured---NOT EVER! Life is so much harder now than it was just a few years ago, I mean, only last year we were nothing but innocents watching John and Kate +8, worrying about who would win Idol and just basically living a carefree life. Then BAM! Economic meltdown, two minor conflicts in pointlessly remote regions of the world, the whole thing with Tiger. It's just too much to bare for people who think they deserve more from life. . .

Which brings me to a clip from the movie Spaceballs that has been playing through my mind ever since the incidents occurred. In it, Dark Helmet asks a questions we should be asking ourselves about everyone who works with us.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FZNPxxRU4Wc

'How many asshole we got on this ship anyway?'

Far, far too many. . .